Friday, November 7, 2014

Nov. 4 - Our health

Aside from the fact that I prefer 
chocolate to chicken
sprees to spinach
everything to egg whites..
I am very grateful for my health.
I think of it often.
Especially lately with the case of Brittany Maynard.
She's the young woman that moved to Oregon after being diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma last January, so she would be able to legally die with dignity.
I don't write about this to be controversial.
I understand where she is coming from with this.
After experiencing the death of my Heather Jo..
I get it. 
To be totally honest, Heather Jo's last days were scary, and painful, and miserable.
 For her,  and everyone that loved her.
I can't imagine how terrified Brittany Maynard must have been after combing the googles, researching the variance of her last days. 
I am sure that zero of the accounts she came across were anything close to comforting.
I would say paralyzing terror would be closer to what she likely found.
So.. I get it.
But Also.
I don't get it.
Heather Jo had an identical diagnosis and lived nearly 5 years after it.
It wasn't a completely quality 5 years for her.  
A lot of times she was in pain, emotionally and physically.
But she fought for life. 
And it worked.
She extended her time and life quadruple what they said she would.
How tragic it would have been to have cut her life and experiences on this earth 1460 days shorter than what it ended up being.
1460 is roughly the amount of days that Heather Jo lived longer than Brittany Maynard.
I feel so sad for her friends, family, and for her that they could have had so much more time.
That's a whole lot of days.
A whole lot of really good days.

Had Heather Jo taken her life 9 months into her diagnosis..
She would have missed out on a lot of pain and uncertainty.
That's true.
There was a lot more that she and everyone who knew and loved her gained by her fighting spirit.
1460 days is a lot of time to spend with people you love when even hours are precious! 

The obvious part of this story is that HJo had kids that kept her alive for every hour that she was able to, and Brittany didn't have any.
That does change things a lot.
But it still makes me sad for that time lost.
That poor girl for even having to consider such a decision.
Cancer is the single more fear striking word to my ears.
I hate it. It makes me sick to my stomach instantly, and cry easily.
It's such an ugly disease.
I'm very compassionate to her and her family for what they have been faced with.
So awful. So sad.
Her poor mommy. 

I've said it before, me dying, and leaving my kids here on earth without my love and care is my most gigantic fear.
 Losing one of my kids is a close second, but at least I would be the one carrying the heart ache and burden instead of them.
I would fight every single second of every single day for extra time with my kids, and my hubs, and my family, if I were faced with such a tragedy.
No question in my mind, I would forgo a dignified death 
(which having seen it first hand. It's not dignified. Not in the way that that word is generally used. But when love, respect, and compassion are mixed into a special potion, it creates a very special amount dignity for the dying person that you love so much )
to spend every last second here on this earth with them. 
Every. single. second. 
I would never ever ever cash in my chips early.

I've never been there... 
So.. I don't condemn Brittany's decision..

But plus again.
 I'm personally kind of scared of God.. 
But that's just me.
He seems pretty in charge around here.
So I don't plan on stepping on his toes anytime soon..

That took an unexpected turn.
I never know where these blogs are going to go when I sit down and write them.
What I meant to say is..

I am grateful for my health.
That is a huge understatement.
I am so so so so so so so grateful for my health.

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