Sometimes, it's not an option.

Dear, Other Mothers,

Today. I had a day..

It ENDED with a wander around the neighborhood..

I stopped to let Jack play in a random hose and dirt pile we so luckily happened upon.

I visited with a neighbor while Jack played his heart out.

I was bouncing my uncharacteristically fussy 8 month old on my hip when Jack started screaming.

He had thrown a giant handful(s) of dirt and it had landed in his eye balls.

So he rubbed them. With his mud caked hands

Hes still learning the most important parts of life.

Poor thing.

So, I started pulling him up the street, and rounded the corner heading west up the hill to our house.

The sun got in Sienna's eyes, and that put her over the edge. 

She started screaming.

Jack, of course was already screaming and dragging his legs..

Because he's nothing if not a partier.

Blind or not

Outside time isn't over until Jack says it's over.

Especially where mud and hoses are involved..

So...

I am dragging a hysterical Jack up the hill, Sienna is flailing and screaming.

She reaches over to the opposite side of my head from the hip she is sitting on, and grabs my hair.

Which is in a pony tail.

So it creates a nice cyclone effect over my face when she pulls it into her mouth.

I clearly can't let go of her.

And if I let go of Jack he will be back to the mud pile before you could say Bob's your uncle.

Even while blinded by dirts.

So.. 

I just kept walking with my screaming kids, my hair in my face, and my head at 90 degree angle in an effort to keep my hairs inside of their follicles. 

(none of us were wearing shoes)

(ALL of my neighbors do yard work on Friday nights)

(There was a 50 man crew in front of my house pouring our new RV pad)

(Which my cat ran through when they were almost finished)

It was half way up the hill that I smelled a very familiar smell.

I looked down (the best I could) 

and identified that familiar smell running down the legs of my freaking out toddler.

Perfect. 

And that was just ending to my horrible Mommy day.

It was just one of those one thing after another days.

Nothing catastrophic, just annoying little things that really frazzle you..

 and..

 make you want to lock yourself in your bathroom with a tube of red lipstick and a pair of scissors in hopes of creating some brand new bangs.

No?

But anyways..

What started my day was..

Well. It's awkward to blog about I think.

Let's just say..

Hormones are colliding in this house.

That's the hardest of what I am dealing with around here.

My sweet Tater and I sometimes have some little, what we call, fights.

Little scuffles, if you will.

It's not pretty is what it's not.

And then we both have terrible horrible no good very bad days.

And cry and make up when she gets home from school. 

We are trying.  We are showing up 

And

 We love each other.

I mean, I knew this day was coming.. This teenage stuff.

But I just didn't expect it so soon.. So I haven't been really prepared.. 

I'm going to have to read some new self help books soon. 

That's a good idea.

Some Chicken Soup for the Mother of a Tween Soul.

Those books always make me feel so much better. 

But really, the self help book that I just finished

Carry on Warrior by Glennon Melton

Easily my favorite book of all times.

Better than 

The Babysitters Club

Harry Potter

Gone with the Wind 

AND 

Something Borrowed/ Something Blue!!

That good!

And Glennon herself is just amazing.

Such an amazing example of a real, kind woman.

I love her.

I really really do.

Here is an excerpt of a chapter of hers that I re-read tonight to try and regain some footings before I ended my day..

PS

Just now.

 I found the most disgusting disgusting disgusting artery/vein/holesthatbloodusedtoflowthrough thing

in my Pork salad.

I don't like it when that happens.

I need to go to bed.

But. So. 

If you are a mom, and you are reading this blog, you need to buy this book.

I feel passionately about helping, and, connecting with woman/mothers. 

This is the nicest thing I have ever done for someone.

Recommending this book.

That's true.

Here.

..Speaking on people constantly reminding her to "Carpe Diem" each parental moment..

"The fact remains that I will be a nostalgic lady.  I just hope to be one with a clear memory.  And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in (the grocery) line.

"Its Hella hard, isn't it?  You're a good mom.  I can tell.  And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner.  She's my favorite.  Carry on, warrior.  Six hours till bedtime."

And hopefully, every once in awhile, ill add "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister.  Go put those kids in the van and pull on up.  Ill have them bring your groceries out."

Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me.  I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what works for me:

There are two different types of time.  Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time. It's one minute at a time, staring down the clock until bedtime time.  It's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, four screaming minutes in time out time, two hours until Daddy gets home time.  Chronos is the hard, slow-passing time that we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time.  Kairos is God's time.  It's time outside of time.  It's metaphysical time.  Kairos is those magical moments in which time stands still.  I have a few of those moments each day, and I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish.  I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is.  I notice the curves of her teeny elf mouth and her almond brown eyes, and i breathe in her soft Tishy smell.  In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is: This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God she is so beautiful.  Kairos

Or when I'm stuck in Chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and angry at the slow checkout clerk.  But then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of Chronos.  I notice the piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds, and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity.  This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay.  And I just stare at my cart.  At abundance.  The bounty.  Thank you, God.  Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with my dog, Theo, asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side , and I listen to both of them breathing.  And for a moment I think, How did a girl like me get so lucky?  To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth?  Kairos.

These Kairos moments leave as fast as they come, but I mark them.  I say the work Kairos in my head each time I leave Chronos.  And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my Kairos moments were, but I remember I had them.  That makes the pain of the daily parenting climb so worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments, I call the day a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me."

This entire chapter just rang so true for me.

It helped me release a little Mommy guilt.

Which was nice.

But more importantly, it helped me to separate these moments in the day, and to truly take in those Kairos times.

I smile to myself each time I say that in my head.

And I realize that I say it really, really often.

Which made me giddy.

And peaceful.

Carry on warriors!