The Happiness Project

So

The reason that I started blogging again was well, for lots of reasons, but the THING that got me blogging was this book.

The Happiness Project.

I'm only on Chapter 6.  Which is weird for me.
I usually whiz right through a book, but to be honest

this is my first "self help" book.  It's not quite as easy as fiction.

I prefer love stories.

And even though there are no shades of grey, or vampires in this book, 

It is really blowing my skirt up.

It totally speaks to me.  

I had sought out a book to help me with really appreciating my life.

Because I do.

I really appreciate and love my life.

But I don't always FEEL like LOVE every hour of my life.

And I don't like that.

Because, I should.  

10 years ago, I would have killed someone to have the EXACT life that I have right this second.  THIS EXACT LIFE!! 

(disclaimer: we for sure have our struggles just like anyone but they are nothing to cry about)

So, I think I should be doing everything in my power to magnify 

THIS DAY.  THIS LIFE.  THESE ROLES 

I mean.

In a moment of honesty here, I felt more valid when I had a successful full time job.
Quite a bit more actually..

But all I wanted was to stay home with Tatum.

Send her to school with a cold lunch

!!!Make more babies!!!

Wear VS sweats, instead of Express Editor's all the live long day!!!
Watch Ellen everyday
Keep my house spotless
Run my husbands errands
Make a homemade dinner every night
Mingle with the neighbors
Walk Tatum to the bus stop in my jammies

Get my "to do" list done (mm hmm)

Change poopy diapers
Wipe off poopy cribs
Ajax pooped in bath tubs

and 

Scrubdownthemotherfreakinghighchair100timesadayonlytohavenobodycomplimentmeonit!
And now..
That's what I have.
But I don't really cherish my time the way I should...
I need to do better.
With my kids, my husband, and my head.

Why?  Why do we always want what we don't have?

Because now, sometimes I'm all..

"I'm a mom, but that's not all I am! 

Women need BALANCE!  

They can't lose themselves to being JUST a mother and wife!!!"

And while I DO believe this, I think it with a bit of....entitlement..
I think that's the word I am going for..
But really..
What I am entitled to do is be the BEST mom I can be
The BEST wife I can be
The BEST me I can be
I am LUCKY to be this happy, and to take one second of it for granted is a damn shame.
A drip of entitlement is to much.
That is not what I am going for in this life.
I KNOW that I am truly happiest as a wife and mother.
And while I believe passionately in balancing aaaallllll of the aspects of being a women
(is it not awesome?!) (and absolutely exhausting?!)
there is a time and a place for that.
And right now, my energies and focus should be to my young family.
They were given specially to me.  And I to them..
And while I'm not exactly sure how to do all of that just yet,  I am really going to focus on it.
My Ryan, Tatum, Jack, and EllaEverDrewJosie deserve it.
And so do I.
Isn't that all anybody wants?
To be happy, and to have their children to be happy?

Or, in my case, to amplify and appreciate their current happiness.

So, this is the beginning of my Happiness Project.
Blogging.
It brings me happiness.  And it brings my family happiness.

The first rule of the Happiness Project that stood out to me is to
"Be April"
I am really trying to start there.
I'm sure this whole debacle will be put on hold in 26 days,
because well, I suck at newborns.
But until then (and roughly 4 months afterward) I will be figuring out how to
"Be April"

If you haven't read it.
Get it.  It is a great read!

I can't wait to get her new book either!  I have heard great things about it!

And PS.. My first epiphany in "Being April" is this....

 As much as I would like to be cool enough to belong in Wild Oats, I am, in fact, not.
I would really like to feed my family a little healthier, and perhaps organically..
Jack and I drove all the way to Cottonwood Heights to try my hand at grocery shopping there..
As soon as I walked in the door my hands got sweaty, I felt a little overwhelmed by bulk bins, barrels, and brown.
It didn't smell like a Smiths.
The smell of lavender by the meat really threw me off.
A salad bar!  At 9:30 am!?
Arugula and Coffee..
The smells!!
We don't even need to talk about the prices do we?
Plus, I didn't see one girl in VS sweats.
Cool people DO NOT wear those grocery shopping.
I got nervous.
So, I just ordered a !piece of pizza! and went and ate it with Jack in my car.
That did not make me happy.
I'm not sure how soon we will be trying that again..