Thursday, November 3, 2011

Nov. 3rd Sincere Gratitude

So. Switching gears from my New Jersey love.
Switching gears completely actually.

Today I am emotionally grateful.
This morning my ex husband (Eric) text me at 5:45 this morning.
He and his wife (Hayley) were at the hospital, in labor with their first baby.
A little sister for my little Tatum.
"Hayley is at an 8.  Can you bring her to the hospital so she can be a part of this exciting experience?"
I rolled over to my darling companion and told him what was going on.
He didn't hesitate to reassure me that it was okay that I go take her.  
Even though that meant him getting up with our sick little JackJack, after a long late day at work yesterday.

Doesn't that seem like such an easy thing?  It does to us.
For most divorced families is difficult. It is really difficult.
 Working together, being inconvenienced, 
and sacrificing for the good of your child is so hard for so many divorced families.
I don't get it.  
Coming from a mixed family is very hard on kids.  Tatum was 3 when Eric and I divorced.  
She has no memories of us ever living together, and it is still a struggle for her. 

Ryan and Hayley have been in her life from the beginning of her memories.
We are her family.  We are A family. 
It isn't always out of desire, but it is certainly out of IMPORTANT necessity.

Working together for the good of Tatum is all of our number one priority.
For Eric and I  it has always been obvious that it is what we should do for our daughter. 
She is OUR daughter.  
Don't we all do whatever we can for OUR children?
 It's never been optional. She is our daughter. Who we love more than life.
But for our spouses.. They both had an option.  
I give IMMENSE credit.  All of the credit, for this working out to our respective spouses.
Hayley and Ryan are amazing.

Hayley and I are friends.  
Her and Eric have been having a hard time agreeing on a name for their baby.
The other day we exchanged the following text.
"I'm sure you don't want your husbands ex wife naming your baby, but here are some cute names.."
She replied
"Haha. I appreciate whatever help I can get!  I think of you more of a friend than my husbands ex wife, which is awesome for all of us!"
It doesn't get much better than that.  
I really think that women have a "catty" gene.  Most of us have to work at being genuine, and not jealous.. Especially when it comes to other women.. Especially women of our mens past.
Sometimes I still stalk Ry's ex facebook page.
Not Hayley.  She knows that Eric loves her.  That we are DIVORCED.  DIVORCED for a reason.
That there is 0 reason for any kind of issue. 0 reason.  
That takes a great, self assured girl.
It helps so so much.

And Ryan.. My perfect little Ryan. 
He has never once questioned a conversation that Ive had with Eric. 
He is never annoyed if we have an extended conversation regarding Tatum.
In 6 years he has worked tirelessly at his relationship with Tatum.  For a long time she kept him at an arms length out of defense of her close relationship with her daddy.
He never gave up, and it has paid off.  In spades in has paid off.
Tatum loves him.  He is her Ry.
He is my soul mate.  And seriously amazing.

Eric and Ryan are also friends.  
They keep each other informed on one anothers sports teams.
They respect each other.
They speak highly of one another to Tatum, as well as to others.
It's great.  Really great.

We attend games, recitals, and such together.  Not only do we sit with one another, but we visit.
We catch up, and laugh, and give each other advice. They play with Jack and dote all over him.
They have even offered (several times) to babysit. 
When I was sick and pregnant, and after I had Jack, they were so helpful to us. 
Hayley is using my baby swing.
She texts me for pregnancy, and baby advice.
There is nothing I love more than giving pregnancy and baby advice.
I'm the boss of that kind of stuff.
Just ask me.

So today, I am grateful for something that not very many people have. 
I am beyond grateful for my daughters mixed family.
It might not ALWAYS be sunshine and unicorns. Because what is?
But 95 percent of the time, it is an effortless effort. 
Which I would say is something to be very grateful for.


  1. So exciting for them, for you, and for Tatum. What a great post. More often than not divorce seems to be hard and ugly. I am sure it can be just that for you but you are a great example of how, with effort, it can be a good thing. Thanks for your post and I am glad that we are bloggie buddies! :)

  2. April your Blog has made me cry once again! How amazing you are, and I Admire the few people like you that can make a blended Family A Happy Family! Really you're amazing! :)

  3. So happy to read this. What a fantastic blessing for everyone involved! And despite my distance, you are still family to me. So happy for you and Ryan... so happy for Eric and Hayley... so so very happy for Tatum... Love you - Ange

  4. You guys are so awesome and amazing and I see it first hand being a neighbor and having our kids go to the same school how you guys work together. I have talked to Zachk a couple of times about how I don't understand why more people that are divorced are like you guys are. I want to for sure say a congrats on the new baby sister for Tatum as well. CONGRATS! And I really wish all divorced people can be like you guys. ((hugs)) Amazing people! :)

  5. April you are one amazing woman! I love the advice and insight that you give to all of us newbie divorcee's


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