Thankful. November 1

Last year our entire holiday season was kind of a bust due to things I would rather not dwell on, because it seems like I complain a fair amount about it, but it rhymes with

fostfartum fepression, and fewborn faby.

This year I am going to knock things out of the park around here.

And I'm going to do my darndest to make sure it has less to do with pinterest, and more to do with ambiance, time spent, and memories made. 

I am picturing simple, warm, and cozy.

Ryan is getting so bothered that I keep buying new fuzzy blankets.. And I think it's because my mind is foreshadowing what is to come in the next couple of months.  Fuzzy blankets. Yes please.   

I came across a November challenge today on Facebook.

A schedule of sorts of something you are thankful for.

I LOVE schedules. They are my jam.

So.  I'm challenging myself to not only mention what it is I am thankful for, but to do a blog post on each subject.  I'm also going to try not to look at the days ahead, so it's more of an off the cuff type idea.

November 1.

Someone I am thankful for.

Tatum Kay Kling.

It goes without saying, that I love all of my kids the same, and all so differently.

It is amazing the facets of love being a mother produces.

And.

I also firmly believe that my personal foundation for life and love starts with Ryan.

I happen to know that when things are not good with your marriage, hardly anything else is good.

So truly, with the single exception to God, Ryan is the basis for all things that I am grateful for in life.

However, 

This month, this moment, the feeling of gratitude of a single person, Tatum comes to mind.

Not only did this girl make me a mommy for the first time, 

and really took it easy on my 20 year old self.

She has been such a consistent teacher for me.

Stretching me to my limits in 3,000 different ways, and all the while holding my hand, teaching me, helping me, forgiving me, and loving me.

She is wise beyond her years, which at this age, isn't always to her benefit. 

And can be hard for her and me. And all of us. 

She is in, and entering, some tough years.

Those were really tough years for me.

Like.  Really tough. 

I feel like everyday when she walks in the door from school, I am holding my breath until I hear how her day was...

And yet, she very rarely comes home saying it was bad..

You think I would be able to exhale.

I guess some scars heal slower than others huh?

Tatum recently had an ugly experience with Instagram, and for lack of a better word, bullying.

To say it put me through the roof would be an understatement.

I really try to live through the roof.

I like it there.  It's my comfort level.

Anyways.

I was at the school, on the phone with parents, at the school some more, met with the DARE officer, Ryan knocked on doors, I stalked instagram, and geotags, and videos, and tried to match exteriors with interiors, and, and , and.. None of this makes sense unless you are in my head, but I was determined to find out who did this, and I was a woman with a mission for a good 5 days.

I was just spinning my wheels.

Totally just spinning my wheels.

Another favorite past time of mine.

We emailed Instagram, and, along with uncountable amounts of kind friends, and friends of friends, and friends of Tatum's and friends of Tatum's friends did what we could to try and rectify the situation, However.

It still remains, and it still makes me CRAZY!

But.

Tatum.

Tatum has been just fine.  She is always just fine.  

To say this experience didn't affect her at all would be a lie.  

She was upset for about 30 minutes, but the rest of it was introspective.

She was really thoughtful of it all.  About other aspects of it all.

All of you that left her kind comments.  You helped.  Every single one of you helped. 

It gave a better aspect to focus on.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! 

It's a fine line of knowing what part of being a protective parent is going to cause more embarrassment and harm to your child than good...

Do you know what I mean?

I'm sure Tate was a wreck wondering what I was going to do next for that whole week. 

But.

She just let me the total lunatic that I am, held my hand, and felt bad for me that I was going through this.

Scuse me?!

She felt bad for me. She said that.

Darn it.

Poor little gal has a big responsibility of raising her mommy.

I have never done this before. 

Everything with her, is something I have never done before.

It's not always easy on her.

She's not always easy on me.

She can be sassy, and disrespectful.

She's always forgetful

She's usually messy.

But she is strong, brave and extremely smart.

She's confident, happy, mature, and fun.

And on this day, I am so grateful that she is who she is, 

because 

can you imagine how hard these years would be for me all over again?!
If I had a daughter that was having a hard time herself?!
 And wasn't there to comfort and help me through it all?!

It would be bad.

I am thankful for you Tatum!!
Thank you for being my mommy teacher.
It's the best job I have ever had.