4/52

Ive been reading back through my blog, and I really do love the documentation that it holds.

Right now all 3 of my kids are so fun. and so funny.

It's not always that way.

Newborns are hard for me.

And girls ages 9-12.5 are hard for me. 

 Right now is gold for me.

I was just telling Tatum yesterday, how you really have to enjoy whatever stage of life you are in because they are all good! And you will miss them when they are gone.

She is so excited to go to college, and how fun that will be.

And it is fun.

College rocks. 

It was such a fun, carefree, time of life.

But really. Every time in life has it's own value.

There is always something to miss about time passed.

So, although I really feel that, that you should enjoy whatever phase in life you are in, 

I know I will never enjoy life the way I do right now.

These child raising years will be my favorite.

Living in a teeny bedroom apartment with Tatum was my favorite too.

I love my kids. I SO enjoy them. An ungodly amount.

And I know when they are gone, (like tomorrow!!) 

I look forward to growing old with Ryan, and not being exhausted and forgetful.

pssht. 

Who am I kidding. I will die forgetful. 

Traveling, keeping a clean house, visiting grand kids, driving a car that doesn't smell like a happy meal.

I look forward to those years.

But man.

I know I am going to miss these years something terrible.

I already have empty nest syndrome.

...With a 2 year old.

Certifiable. That's what I am. 

I am also sure that this. THIS!! is the best time of my life.

And I would really like myself a whole lot more if I was better at documenting it.

So.

Here's my week 4.

Out of the mouth of my babes. 

Tatum

says {hashtag} before her words. 

:/

Uses emojis in place of words. Her current favorite is the one with a doc mask over it's face. 

I think that means she is disgusted by most things on earth. 

Says LOL. Doesn't type it. Says it.

"Tatum. did you have a good day at school?"

"Lol. No."

:/

Makes up captions for every instance. 

"when your mom kills the beat"

"when your mom loves your little brother more than you"

"when your mom wears converse"

"when your mom buys you unfrosted pop tarts"

"when your mom tells you you have bad skin" 

"when your mom listens to one direction without you"

:/

But really, I love conversations with Tatum.

She's just starting to be old enough to really share with her.

To have big girl conversations, answer big girl questions, and have big girl emotions.

It's really fun and rewarding for me.

Having a strong willed, tough headed child can be so hard. 

And unbelievably rewarding!

She's going to be 13 next month.

Blows my freaking mind is what that does.

Jack

Every morning "Daddy, Are you going work today?"

"I'm trying my best"

"Chaos"- After everything he says

"No Ninny!  Quit stopping that!  Don't touch my special stuff!"

"Mommy. You just broke my heart."

"Jingle Bells {insert name here} smells (both kids say this)

"Hairrrryyy baby"

"Tell me about Disneyland mom"

"Gooooodddneessss Mmmmmeeeee" 

Sienna

" Ooh. I fall down mommy!"

"Ohh. It's scawwy scawwy!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOO!"

"Hold you me"

"Siennas shirts wet" (first person always)

"Ring around the rosies mom"

"You're funny mom"

"I pick" (movies all day long!  She doesn't watch them.  Just wants to pick them out)

"Gooooodddnnneesssss Mmmmmmeeeee"

"Look. It's perfect Mommy." (everything is perfect)

These are just a few of the things I hear all day long from these two. 

I wish I could bottle them up. 

They are both at the sweetest stages.

The only word to describe each of them is precious.

Sometimes I hug them and just try to close my eyes real tight and do the best I can at creating a freezes frame of that moment in my head.

I know one day I am going to desperately want to draw that file from my head and dwell on it.

For the record.

Ive been trying to do that my whole mothering life, and it doesn't work. 

It's unfortunate.

And rude.

I'm level 10 in love with Taylor Swift.

I love every. single. song she has ever made.

But this one is my favorite times a million. 

Your little hands wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny

You got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you

Won't let no one break your heart

No, no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies

And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off

At 14, there's just so much you can't do

And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block

Remember that she's getting older, too

And don't lose the way that you dance around

In your PJs getting ready for school

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you

Nothing's ever left you scarred

And even though you want to

Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have

Is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

Could still be little

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

It could still be simple

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you

Won't let no one break your heart

And even though you want to

Please try to never grow up

Don't you ever grow up

(Never grow up)

Just never grow up

3/52

Week 3

All of my kids are involved in swimming right now.

We somehow ended up at lifetime fitness..

I don't exactly remember how.

But it was fate.

We love their aquatics facility.

It's clean, it's nice, and their staff is unbelievable.

So so so good!

Tate

Tate is actually in kind of a rough spot right now.

She has so many blessings.

She has a great school life.

Lots of  great friends

Does well in school

Has lots of family that love and adore her.

But we also found out a couple of months ago that she has Juvenile Degenerative Disc Disease.

Which sucks.

Her back is already starting to have bulged and slipped discs. 

It scares me to death.

The doctor told me to stay off the Internet and I sure wish I would have listened to his advice. 

People that have bad back problems... It's not good.. 

So.

We are going to do everything we can to keep her body really strong and healthy so that she can always live a happy, normal life. 

Which means.

Swimming.

She swims twice a week with her  private coach Sara.

Who is such an angel.  A blessing straight from heaven to Tatum. 

She has recently started to swim on their USA swim team...

Tatum has always been a beautiful swimmer.

She has a swimmers body, and a natural talent for it.

But no passion for it. 

But. 

It also means no more all star cheer.

To say that quitting cheer has been total heart break is an understatement. 

For both of us. 

But in the big scheme of things

We will survive.

We have so much to be grateful for, and I know that God has a plan and a reason for everything.

I know that that seems a little dramatic to say..

But seeing your child hurt and struggle is beyond any pain so you have ever personally experienced.

It's gut wrenching.

But.

So.

We will be fine.

Sienna 

Baby sis has come a long way in her fear of water.

She loves playing and splashing and crawling and kicking.

Which are all a big step up from when we started.

She can even blow bubbles in the water!

Baby Jack.

This crazy little monkey is soooo close being able to swim on his own that it is unreal!

He loves to swim under water with his goggles on.

He can move his "gator arms" and kick enough to propel himself unassisted through the water.

He just needs to learn to tread water to keep himself afloat.

It's so fun to watch!

The babies teacher is actually the head swim coach at a local high school.

I love that they are being taught to swim by someone that actually, really knows how to teach swim.

2/52

Sienna is all girl

All things babies, and clothes, and princesses, and make up.

Her favorite Christmas present were her little lip glosses. 

She calls them "wips"

She got into my makeup this week for the first, of what I can only assume, will be many times.

She has become so dainty and feminine.

Her little hands are just so sweet, and her little legs, and bummy, in undies.

(she gave us a nice little Christmas present this year and potty trained herself)

(maybe she felt bad for us because we decided not to get each other anything this year.)

What a sweetie.

I die.

She is the cutest little stinker.

Tatum is really growing up.

And.

The stage of life that she is in, confirms to me that I am indeed done having children.

Not because she is naughty or awful,

Just the opposite.  I am (after a rough couple of years!) Really really enjoying her!

 It's because I worry way too much.

If I have any more children I may actually be the very first person who's death certificate says

"Worried to death."

Having toddlers is one thing.

And it is hard.

But at lease they are in my very protective bubble. 

Under my control, my command, and my influence all day every day.

That end's way to soon. 

Adult children? 

Forget about it.

Literally.

I want to forget all about what is coming.

Tatum is right on the edge adulthood in so many ways.

I can't protect her anymore.

I can't make her decisions for her.

I can't take away her pain with a bandaid or a kiss.

And to be honest, it kills me.

I think and worry about her and the details of her life way to much! 

WAY TO FREAKING MUCH!

But.  

Her positivity, and level head never ceases to amaze me.

She's going to do big things, that girl.

She's had a few hard life experiences the last few weeks, 

and I couldn't be more proud of her.

Baby Jack

Day time sleeping Jack is a rare occasion.

He happens to be sick today, which is why I was able to snap this gem of my little buddy.

 He quit taking naps around August of this year when he started preschool.

He's actually not at all moody without a nap, just extremely exhausted and unfocused by about 5.

Keeping him awake from 5:30 -7 is a full time job some days.

If he makes it past 7:30 he has a second wind that is seemingly endless.

I love this sweet little boy and his sweet teeth, and sweet lips, and sweet hands.

He is full of sweet this one.

I'm so grateful that he is mine. 

1/52

I loved looking back a couple of years ago when i did a photo a week of my kids. So. I'll give it another shot. We all know that it won't last long, but just what if I prove all of us wrong?! 

What if I do this every week for 52 weeks? 

If that happens, you can consider me a Kardashians, because the world will be my oyster for no reason at all!

 I'll be able to accomplish anything if I can do this!

 So.

 Here we go. 

Week 1. 

My Children's apparel.

Sienna

No matter what I dress this girl in, she always changes into something 

A. Holiday related.

 B. Princess related. Or 

C. Cat related. 

 ^ 

Socks never match. And hair is always pulled out. 

Jack- 

Always ends up too hot and nakes.  

Plus.

 He prefers his undies too small, inside and out, and backwards.

 I'm not lying.

 Okay. 

Maybe he doesn't prefer them that way, necessarily, but that's how they always end up. 

And he's fine with it. 

So am I. 

Tatum - as unnerving as the other two about their clothing and style, this is the one that drives me the most crazy! Black fingernails. Weird rings. Plain t shirts. And black hoodies. 

Plus.  

When did she start being old enough to drink Diet Coke?

Why oh why can't she be preppy? She always looks like she's on her way to a Depeche Mode concert. 

I just want to curl her hair, and dress her in ruffles. Or. At least some color! But. She seems to be doing okay in life. So, I'll just let her keep on keepin on..... I'm old. That's what it is.. Isn't it? I'm old.  I never knew this day would come so quickly. 

Grateful. Nov. 9

Nov. 9 - Today because...

Well.

Today isn't November 9th. 

And I sure don't remember what I was specifically thankful for that day...

But today.

I'm grateful for perspective.

Because of the age difference of my "sets of children"

It makes it much easier for me to slow down, and breath in little moments with these guys. 

I know how gosh forsaken fast it goes.

It is beyond mind blowing. 

So. 

Today I am thankful for the moments that are maddening now, but I will miss terribly.

In like. a blink of an eye.

Which is so fast. 

Like..

The "do it myself" phase.

The naked phase.

The clothes changing a thousand times a day phase.

The juice phase

The nap phase.. Oh how I will miss you nap phase!! Please don't go!

The Dora phase.

If you wanna know a secret.. I was so happy to find out that Dora was still going strong when my Jack and SIEnna came along. 

She was just out as a wee explorer when Tatum was a toddler, and I miiisseeed her!

The Skylander Phase

Princess Phase

Lego Phase

Angry Bird Phase

Hello Kitty Phase

"Elka and Ana" Phase

I'll miss chanting everything exciting 

Well. Not even exciting things. Just mostly everything.

SLUR-PEES

SLUR-PEES

GRAND-MA

GRAND-MA

DIS-NEY-LAND

DIS-NEY-LAND

CHUCK-E-CHEESE

CHUCK-E-CHEESE

CHICK-FIL-A

CHICK-FIL-A

ICE-CREAM-CONE

ICE-CREAM-CONE

DAD-DY

DAD-DY

PIZ-ZA

PIZ-ZA

CHOCOLATE-MILK

CHOCOLATE-MILK

POO-POO

POO-POO

AP-PLES

AP-PLES

I-PAD

I-PAD

DOR-RA

DOR-RA

TAT-UM

TAT-UM

A-B-C'S

A-B-C'S

CER-REAL

CER-REAL

BIG-HEROS

BIG HEROS

SHAKE IT OFF

SHAKE IT OFF..

Those are just a few off the cuff examples that fly right off fingertips.

You can see.

My days are full of invigorating conversation

And organic food.

I'm also going to miss (maybe?) 

Bigger, Stronger.

Bigger stronger is a thing the babies do.

Every time we leave the house

Jack squats down, and digs his squatty fingers under the plastic seal of the garage door, 

 when I open it, he pretends strains, and lifts it up for as far as he can.

To the tips of his toes, and the ends of his fingers.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

 And now that his sister has caught onto this fun game, he's not okay with it.

So, she has to do it with the other garage door.  

And now they have added a cute little circle run high five under each others door as they are going up dance, jig, number..

The whole process is extremely cute (annoying)

Especially when you are in a hurry.

Which.

Is strictly what I am when I am leaving my house.

What is EXTRA fun is when we all forget about bigger, stronger because we are in a level 10 hurry.

And I hold my breath as I push my car opener to open the garage...

And both of them start to scream.

Level 10 scream.

My kids are NOTHING if not creatures of habit.

So. I have two choices.

Get them out. And let them do it.

Or. 

Drive my car off the nearest cliff.

Another thing I'm (more than likely) going to miss.

Is the "Calliou" dance party.

This takes place when Calliou starts. 

My kids have the best ears on the planet if it benefits them.

When they hear the theme song start, 

we HAVE to pause whatever it is we are doing

Dinner.

Peeing.

Dishes.

Laundry.

The Bachelorette.

What have you.

and go do a ridiculously ugly dance in front of the TV.

 Ryan has to do this when "Thomas the Train" starts.

AAANNDD when it ends.

So his is worse

He has to do it twice.

When this is requested (demanded) of us we have two options.

Do it.

or

Or drive our car off a cliff. 

A few others..

Hearing "I want that for my birfday" 

during every. single. commercial

Lifting Sienna in any which direction. 

Up or down.

and hearing an euthesiactic 

AA - Wwwwwwwhhhhhhhhheeeeeeee!

And.

Not having 3/4 of my communication skills be deductive reasoning. 

What I'll miss about this girl is

(besides telling her to pull her shirt down

Get off her phone

and put her backpack away) 

Is.

Incessant music playing

and song searching.

5 Seconds of Summer stalking.

Sass.

Details of a 7th grade day at school.

Funny vines.

Drives with Taylor Swift.

Waffle Love

Lemon cookies and Dr. Pepper from The Pop Shop

Meeting new girl friends

Crushing on a neighborhood boy. 

Insisting on small spoons and forks. (SO ANNOYING!)

Wrappers everywhere.

and..

Of course,  

Not having 3/4 of my conversation skills be deductive reasoning. 

A wise woman once told me.

Love whatever stage of life you are in.

Because ..

Whatever it is.

You WILL miss it when it is gone.

And boy oh boy do I believe, and testify of that with all of my heart!!  

Today.

I am thankful for this perspective! 

Nov 5-8

November 5 - My spouse
First of all.
I am grateful that I am even grateful for my spouse.
Because these days that alone is an accomplishment.
But I really am.
I am very grateful for him.
Because.
He is..
Hot.
Nice.
Patient.
Fun.
Funny.
Apologizes.
Shaves his chest.
Loves us.
Works hard.
Doesn't pee all over the bathroom
Can beat me at everything. #sarcasm
A fun dad.
A loving dad.
A patient dad. #usually
A patient husband. Even when I don't deserve it.
Cannot keep up with me when we fight. #iguessiwinsometimes! Wahoo!
Is coordinated.
Has pretty eyes.
The worst driver with the best reflexes so we stay alive somehow.
Calls to check in with my family so I don't have to.
Let's my sisters live here even when I don't want them to.
Doesn't move in his sleep.
Loves his mama.
Is never disrespectful to me.
Hates his smart phone
Uses the talk to text function because he sucks at texting.
Wiggles his toes when he wakes up
Supports me with pretty much anything I want to do.
Loves being a dad.
Plays endlessly with the kids.
Doesn't hunt.
Or golf.
Or Anything that I can think of that takes too time away from us.
Enjoys a nice spa day as much as I do. #manly
Tips well.
Still wears cologne.
Puts blue cheese on everything.
Acts like a 12 year old.
The only song in the whole world he knows the words to is the Thomas the Train song.
And even that is questionable at times.
Wears a mask at least once a week for one reason or another.
Cleans up after himself.
Enjoys shopping.
Eats left over anythings.
Rarely if ever complains.
Turns on the fan.

I think that's about all anyone can ask for.


Nov. 6 - My child
Nov. 7 - My child's ability to..

I'm going to mix these two together.
Because.
I don't get it.
They seem like the same thing to me...

 Sienna
I am so thankful for Sienna's ability to just be.
She requires very little.
Is content on her own
She goes with the flow, and nothing bothers her much.
(except for cuddling and kissing)
She does her own thing.
Which is awesome!
Because sometimes there is a lot going on around here.
And her easy going self makes life a lot less complicated.
She sleep. naps. eats. travels. plays. talks. interacts.
She's nice to the cat, shares with her brother, plays with her baby, and quietly reads books.
I'm not sure that I have ever had to pull out a parenting book with this one.
She is such a funny little.
Content in a world of her own, and as happy as can be.
I love this little girl more than I ever thought possible.
I am grateful for my Sienna.

 JackJack
I am so thankful for Jack's ability to be constantly joyful.
While the parent book has been present more than I care to remember with this precious little boy he is such a joy to our family.
His happy go lucky demeanor, kind words, and tender heart make literal tears spring to my eyes.
Anyone who has spent any amount of time with Jack can close their eyes, and very easily hear his ear splitting scream of joy in their head..
He's always smiling, usually laughing, and often high fiving.
I am grateful that Jack is so full of joy.

Tatum Kay

I am thankful for Tatum's ability to take massive amounts of selfies on all of our cameras.

JK

But.
I really am grateful for Tatum's smile.
I worry and worry and worry about this child of mine.
I am scared almost to death about the years she has coming.
But.
I have been saying that for years.
And still.
She smiles.
She rolls with the punches when they come, makes the most out of life, and smiles.
I can know something is going on at school, and think about it all day, and worry and stress and wonder.  I count down the seconds until she walks in the door so I can know what happened..
And she walks in.
Smiling. smiling. smiling.
Having totally forgotten about whatever it was that I was STILL stressing about..
And..
Totally dumbfounded (read:annoyed) by my obsession of her life.
I don't think I could survive a sad child.
I hope all of my kids endure life the way Tate does.
Strong. Sassy. Sensitive. and Smiling.
It's the only way to go.




Nov. 8 - My spouses ability to...

Well..
It hasn't always been, and it isn't always so,
But I am grateful for Ryan's frugal nature.
He has had a plan in place since long before he met me about how he wanted his life.
And he has made deliberate steps and decisions to make sure that it executed.
Now.
 This was annoying when we were dating, and I was a very obvious check list..
*Nice to the waitress (check)
*Asks questions a bout others (check)
Clean house (check)
Kicks the snow off her boots before getting in the car (check)
Good credit score (i am not kidding) (check)
Debt to income in line (check)
On top of just trying to keep up with washed hair, shaved legs, and being prompt...
Wow..
 I really brought my A game while trying to land this one.
And I am so glad I did.
Ryan is the best decision I have ever made.
He lives his life in a very simple way.
Wanting very little and needing virtually nothing.
Everything we have as a family is because he wants to give it to us.
None of it is for him.
He takes pride in working hard and providing for our family, and most importantly to me,
has made it possible for me to be able to stay home with our kids.
And not just Jack and Sienna.
Being able to be home when Tatum comes home from school means the world to me.
In fact, I believe that she needs me home even more than the babies in some ways!
It's a dream that I always hoped would come true.
I love being home with the kids.
Sometimes the hours are long, sometimes my boss is moody, and sometimes the employees are unmanageable, but every day it's my dream job.

 I am so grateful that my husband made it a reality for me.

Nov. 4 - Our health

Aside from the fact that I prefer 

chocolate to chicken

sprees to spinach

and 

everything to egg whites..

I am very grateful for my health.

I think of it often.

Actually.

Especially lately with the case of Brittany Maynard.

She's the young woman that moved to Oregon after being diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma last January, so she would be able to legally die with dignity.

I don't write about this to be controversial.

I understand where she is coming from with this.

After experiencing the death of my Heather Jo..

I get it. 

To be totally honest, Heather Jo's last days were scary, and painful, and miserable.

 For her,  and everyone that loved her.

I can't imagine how terrified Brittany Maynard must have been after combing the googles, researching the variance of her last days. 

I am sure that zero of the accounts she came across were anything close to comforting.

 Actually. 

I would say paralyzing terror would be closer to what she likely found.

So.. I get it.

But Also.

I don't get it.

Heather Jo had an identical diagnosis and lived nearly 5 years after it.

It wasn't a completely quality 5 years for her.  

A lot of times she was in pain, emotionally and physically.

But she fought for life. 

And it worked.

She extended her time and life quadruple what they said she would.

How tragic it would have been to have cut her life and experiences on this earth 1460 days shorter than what it ended up being.

1460 is roughly the amount of days that Heather Jo lived longer than Brittany Maynard.

I feel so sad for her friends, family, and for her that they could have had so much more time.

That's a whole lot of days.

A whole lot of really good days.

Memories.

Experiences.

Growing.

Learning.

Strength.

Love.

Laughter.

Service.

Sacrifice.

Fun.

Traditions.

Holidays.

Birthdays.

Baptisms.

Anniversaries.

Love 

love

and 

love.

Had Heather Jo taken her life 9 months into her diagnosis..

She would have missed out on a lot of pain and uncertainty.

That's true.

But. 

There was a lot more that she and everyone who knew and loved her gained by her fighting spirit.

1460 days is a lot of time to spend with people you love when even hours are precious! 

The obvious part of this story is that HJo had kids that kept her alive for every hour that she was able to, and Brittany didn't have any.

That does change things a lot.

But it still makes me sad for that time lost.

That poor girl for even having to consider such a decision.

Cancer is the single more fear striking word to my ears.

I hate it. It makes me sick to my stomach instantly, and cry easily.

It's such an ugly disease.

I'm very compassionate to her and her family for what they have been faced with.

So awful. So sad.

Her poor mommy. 

I've said it before, me dying, and leaving my kids here on earth without my love and care is my most gigantic fear.

 Losing one of my kids is a close second, but at least I would be the one carrying the heart ache and burden instead of them.

I would fight every single second of every single day for extra time with my kids, and my hubs, and my family, if I were faced with such a tragedy.

No question in my mind, I would forgo a dignified death 

(which having seen it first hand. It's not dignified. Not in the way that that word is generally used. But when love, respect, and compassion are mixed into a special potion, it creates a very special amount dignity for the dying person that you love so much )

to spend every last second here on this earth with them. 

Every. single. second. 

I would never ever ever cash in my chips early.

But.

I've never been there... 

So.. I don't condemn Brittany's decision..

But plus again.

 I'm personally kind of scared of God.. 

But that's just me.

He seems pretty in charge around here.

So I don't plan on stepping on his toes anytime soon..

So.

Anyways.

That took an unexpected turn.

I never know where these blogs are going to go when I sit down and write them.

Woah.

Heavy.

What I meant to say is..

I am grateful for my health.

That is a huge understatement.

I am so so so so so so so grateful for my health.